Heaven and Hell
September 11, 2026
I can’t find any current photos that are not screen shots or memes. Hmmmm. I seem to have stopped taking photographs. What’s thaddabout? Need to dig deep through some old memories.
I have spent many weeks in the forest, a few days in early March, mostly over the summer. It’s not exactly my second home; it’s my summer home, my country home, tho. Sometimes I feel almost at home here.
Two weeks ago I jumped out of my bed in the middle of the night, my heart racing, in a panic. I composed a text, offered to come out, didn’t send. I rewrote it in the morning, and he replied, yes, this afternoon would be fine. I drove out, made food, sorted some things here for a few days. We often go shopping, groceries, goodwill, cat food, Mexican takeout.
Back home for a round of rest, gardening, Mah Jongg, movies, then a day trip to the Farmer’s Market, some thrifting, and a picnic on the bay side of San Rafael. I found a very cool velveteen shirt, and a rebounder with a handle that Art can use for a bit of exercise. He was very pleased to have it. Two weeks ago I brought my old recumbent Exercycle out for him to use and set it up in the woodshed. He does weights, and stretches.
He is checking into palliative care. Eating is painful and difficult. As hard as it is to keep weight on him this is a major hurdle. We had a discussion that sent me over the edge. “I’m not getting better.” Yes, something so obvious, but once spoken, it hit me hard. We have been preparing for all possibilities, but struggling for something is different than struggling against. He can speak. I can understand him, miracle. My hearing for the human voice is not so good.
I struggle right now to complete normal tasks, can’t finish a painting. My to-do list is a tangle. I’m not home enought to have a solid base. I have two cat-sits next week, and a quick visit to Santa Rosa this weekend. We’ll go thrifting, stop at In-n-Out Burger, maybe go for Margaritas. I don’t drink much, but yes, sometimes, a friendly happy hour beverage.
The wifi here went out this week; it’s still configured oddly, but available. Art called to ask me what the password is– yesterday he didn’t know the password to his laptop. Good that I know these things. I bought a 500 watt power station so I have auxiliary charging power in the van. I have shore power here, but “one never knows, do one?” Well I thought that was Dorothy Parker, but it’s Fats Waller. Yay, Internet.
“Our” new fridge, having the two unfinished windows rebuilt, these are signs of life that somehow waited until the end. What are we saving for? Summer is winding down, I am stacking firewood. Pray that we make it through.
