I have been dipping back into watercolor, found a palette that will inspire me, a color-wheel palette of Winsor Newton and M.Graham tube colors on a glass deviled egg dish.
I painted a watercolor color chart from an online class, mixing 144 colors from three primaries–Winsor Lemon, Winsor Blue (Red Shade) and Permanent Rose. So fun, I’ll do it again on watercolor block. 
today’s prompt–bitter. Version 1
June 2018
Back in April Harold offered me (us/possums) a gig at the Art House. Muffy said a hard No– she hates performing, doesn’t want to be seen, has many stories of hiding behind puppets and hoods and curtains, all the material we work on and never play. She made it clear! She hates it! Invites people to sit in so she can pass . . . Woe is me.
We played there before! When Scruffy was still here. Will Scarlett sat in. I think I have that photo nearby . . . on the Possum Family Singers blog. We played there as a duo! It was great! We worked so hard on these tunes, we have such great harmonies and presence! They say. But, no.
We played in the garden at the wedding of J&J (the other J&J) with Maaaat and Kurt. It was so lovely. I wore black, at a wedding!–still in mourning, but geez.
Myself, on the Other Hand, I thrive on Performance, the Stage, I love the Audience energy wafting back to me. If people are playing, listening, dancing, smiling with me, what the evs, it feeds me. I let the song sing itself. It’s ready, it wants to sing. And I want to shine, not wait my turn. I don’t do the jam thing, I don’t get it. It feels like a bad audition.
Something really hinky is going on in my sky, I just don’t know about people rn. I had an astrologer birthday-read my chart, she kept making ripples, ripples in the air with her fingers. Juno sits at the top of my chart, craving a partner for travel, an eye that sees all. The Mars and the Sun conjunct at the bottom, hidden, watching, from below. Fierce, inward, like how I like to garden in the dark, with the moon. Amazing! Kick ass! But I let these people define me.
I’m really CRAZY about my life right now. I want to do things. It’s really hard without my buffers, Steve, Rick, bandleaders who held up their end and pulled me in. My Actual Friends who supported me and joined in on camping trips and gigs and festivals, got gigs and showed up. I’m reeling under the weight of the nothing of it.
I used some detangler on my hair, it smells really gross, like being sprayed on at Macy’s. Think I’ll go wash it out.
5.21.2018
So confused, spinning my wheels. a crisis- then crack! it was over– i think. What was the gift? Where did the time go? I did get a lot done in between, had a lot of adventures in the process.
March 24, 2018
Just back! from a 2000- mile, ten-day trip–Berkeley to Needles–theBenson! Kartchner Caverns! Tombstone! El Dorado!! Tucson, my old neighborhood and thrashing grounds. I almost expected to see my 23-window 1957 VW van there . . . Tucson Mountain Park and the Phyrroloxias and Phainopeplas . . .
A yummy lunch somewhat reminiscent of meals I remember from back then. Glorious sunsets and sunrises, mystical moons and mountainscapes. Hotsprings and scruffy campsites. New bushings and a smoothly operating roller door. All is good.
Now and then I dig out an old sketchbook- I have saved these pages, and reference images, for such a moment, which comes rarely. I don’t know why, but it seems to take enormous moving of planets to get me out of my rut and seated at a table with the materials for a small sketch like this.
“To cultivate that fearlessness, watching PP set up the stage, while we continued to play–that obnoxious command of canvas, string, and poles! To know what I want, and push every living thing aside! to get it. But not to be a total Ahole.”
That was my dream for 2011. Has anything changed?
copied from an unattributed online image in Pilot G-2 pen, acrylic white pen, watercolor
This should be my art blog! Aren’t the concerns much the same, for music or art? The need for fearlessness, the necessity of going vigorously after what you want?
Perhaps less chatting and more posting of process. A watercolor bouquet of three of five sunflowers Art brought me after Rick’s death, with the original sketch. 
Well, how long has it been since I posted ANYTHING here? A very long time. Here is some recent stuff I have done.
A sketch of the moon, white and black Prismacolor pencils and white gel pen on 7×7″ sketchbook paper–January 12, 2018. Updated Feb 11, after removing a little too much snow up top.
Drove the van up the coast to see the Steve’s birthday eclipse. Starting with dinner at the Samoa Cookhouse, and camping at Emerald Forest, we broke 80K on the odometer in Bandon, Oregon, just short of 500 miles out. Up the dunes and Florence to my sister’s house, Totality from her traffic-free back patio in Willamina, Oregon. Up to Hammond to visit my cousin, then started back on 8/24, camping down the coast and home to a rat invasion on August 31.
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