don’t know what it is exactly that stops me. planning or thinking about a drawing or painting sometimes spooks me, the idea of going out and being sociable is just an enormous struggle. reticence does not describe it. times were I would sit at my drawing table, frozen in anticipation of actual pain. somewhere in my shoulders was a cruel memory, a fear of erasers, a death challenge.

sometimes inspiration comes, and i just get up and follow through. i have a studio setup where there are pencils and water and brushes at the ready for any contingency. the doom falls when i stop to figure out or plan, all the what ifs start to gather, thoughts get in the way and i am in a muddle. there are times when just the thinking about doing something creates a wall. a threshold. a meniscus i can’t puncture. oh, that threshold i stepped over when i broke my ankle, ow, that was a thing. but i know that if I think of a task, and do it now, it gets done. 

the morning gather: